Mar 10, 2015
Lately, I realized my awareness of the subjective reality I'm experiencing was getting sleepy. Thank god, it snapped out of it in time and I saw.
I saw how when I say "I'm passionate about reading", it means "I read two books a month at least, plus or minus one book and diverse excerpts following the whim of my mind. I read over and over again what I already read because I can't help but obsess over whatever triggered my fire. I have a book every-where, every-time, in my backpack, except if I'm making the unbearable decision of NOT reading no matter how for some personal reason (and even then, I'll most likely end up humming poems, uotes, excerpts and reading my own drafts). I read when I'm walking, waiting, eating or commuting. I choose reading over hanging out, as I would choose reading the same book as soon as I'm done with the last page at the instant. I read and I read about people's own reading of the read."
But when someone says, "I'm passionate about reading", it may mean:
-"I own over 100 hardcopies and have read almost ten. I also read when I have nothing to do to the extent of finding reading not boring. I read when I want to fall asleep. I read when someone contaminates me with a flickering yet soon to wane enthusiasm. I read serious stuff, therefore I read small 150 pages of worth. I read autobiographies but only of the very known names. I read when I want to impress a lady/man. I read when the crush/ex-girlfriend/future boyfriend recommends a book. I read and I don't read again -are you nuts?-. I read when something is too famous and exciting to wait on its followup on TV/Movies."
Here is the thing: usually, I'm aware we don't give the same meanings to words and therefore, when someone tells me "I'm passionate about reading", I leave time and circumstances to quantify the term in itself. I might inquire, but I keep in my mind that as a follow-up question to the person's statement, it might be a little bit fabricated. Usually, I'm aware of the versatile scale of values we both have, especially if we haven't been facing each other and going through circumstances together, especially tough ones. Usually, I'm extremely aware of the numerous possibilities someone who is not as a straight shooter as me, might imply in his speech. And I'm usually so damn aware that whatever I experience, it is through my own perspective, as broad and thorough and multidimensional as it can be, and that I should never associate my own perspective on a person with my own scale of values. Because this person has his own scale of values and maybe is using it to an exageration even or to impress or to bring whatever thing he/she wants to.
In the case of a good friend of mine, my awareness was a bit off for a time. Thank god, it held its shit together in time.
Fortunately, my illusion over that person didn't grow to be a concrete house.
Still, to make this rookie mistake, I have to say kudos to one sole thing : internet friendships.